last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
