I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
