I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize