Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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