Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
