Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
