If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I'm really busy with my period
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
