If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
