Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
