mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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