I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just threw up on my dentist
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize