Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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