I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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