ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
