I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
