Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
