If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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