just come out here and I will go home with you...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
