I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The struggles of a small town man whore
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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