my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
