I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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