i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
