Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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