she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
