I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
