Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I lost the right to judge tonight
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
