Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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