Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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