i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
