she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
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She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
How external is "for external use only"?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
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I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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