Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
