tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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