Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We had to coat check the pizza.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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