Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
