Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
