Dude my mom stole all your condoms
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
