Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
