My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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