he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
