I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
How naked do you want me to be?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
