WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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