Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
