How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
