on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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