I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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