his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
