He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
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I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
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I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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