Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
