Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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