Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
im six kinds of drunk right now
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
