after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
the liver wants what the liver wants
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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