We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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