Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize