I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
