meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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