First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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