im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
