My girlfriend figured out who you are.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
