My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
