I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I checked into jail on foursquare
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i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
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When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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