I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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