we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
