Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
