Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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