If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
