you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
