I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
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