I'm so fucking centered right now
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
