Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
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