his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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