Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
