HIV tests are more positive than that guy
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
