Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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