so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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