I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
