so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
