it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
