eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
