First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
