So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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