I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize