He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i wish my penis had a tongue
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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