The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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