So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize