I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
