I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
